Helping your Children Cope with Your Divorce

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The transition has started.

Perhaps you’re separated. This happens in phases and you’re asking yourself questions like “Is this the end of a normal family life?”

Remember: your children have the same questions.

You are creating the new normal for them. Try not to change too much of their routine the first year. It will be hard enough for them to go back and forth between two households (and hopefully they are doing this! Children need both their mother and father).

Try to ease the burden by packing fun things to do at mom or dad’s house. Heck, go to the dollar store and buy toys and games then you have something fun to talk about then they come back to you: “Did you have fun coloring at dad’s house?” or “What’s mom able to help you with that crossword puzzle?”

This helps to alleviate some anxiety that a parent may be angry about the time they spend with the other. Children need both parents in their lives.

Brown Law, P.L.
407-344-3400 | www.brownlawpl.com

 

Divorce, children and the importance of asking questions

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You know how when you are going through a divorce, you can’t help asking yourself questions like “Could I have done something differently?” or “What will everyone think?” or “How will my life change in the future?”

Well, your children have the same questions and how they answer those questions for themselves may not be logical or based in any reality. Of course, the emotional distress of a divorce may cause the same lack of logic in you.

So whatever questions you are asking yourself, ask your children the same questions but in a different manner. This will get a dialogue going with them to allay their fears. For example: “Are you worried about what your friends are thinking since daddy and mommy are not living in the same house?”

Brown Law, P.L.
407-344-3400 | www.brownlawpl.com

Talking to Children about Divorce

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Obviously, there are different ways to talk to children about divorce and the approach will change depending on their developmental level.

But at all ages you should do everything you can to keep the message simple and understandable. Say things to reassure them, like “Mommy and Daddy will be happier and argue a lot less in two different homes” and “you will not have to move but you will have two houses where you will be loved.” Address things like: their safety is important to both of you and how important they are to both of you.

Divorce is hard enough as it is, see to it that your child’s life is not interrupted. Don’t let them have to change schools or interrupt daily routines.

If you are going through a divorce find out how Brown Law, P.L. can help. Information about our approach to divorce and family law  is available at our website.

Brown Law, P.L.
407-344-3400 | www.brownlawpl.com

Child Custody in the State of Florida

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With respect to child Custody, the courts in Florida are simply trying to decide between the two parents, which is the best home environment for the children. What comes into play here , and undoubtedly is not an easy decision, is how fit each parent is. The courts also look at how they can best derive some semblance of order and routine in the lives of the children who are already  going through the chaos of divorce.

There are two types of custody: physical custody and legal custody. The first refers to where the children will live, and the latter to who makes the major decisions with regard to the children.

If both parents are seeking physical custody, it may not come down to a 50/50 split of time. For example, one parent may live in the school district the children have been attending and the other may not. The courts, of course, will not want to interrupt the children’s schooling.  In this case, it would make more sense for the children to stay with the parent who resides in their school district during the week, and visit the other parent on weekends.

Legal custody encompasses the major decisions surrounding the children: decisions like private or public school, religious education or holidays. In the section on divorce, we touched on the difficulty these decisions could entail if both parents cannot come to an agreement on issues. The courts take all of this into consideration when assigning legal custody.

All of this can and should be discussed with your Florida Divorce Lawyer. He/She should be able to help you assess if physical or legal custody is likely in your situation.

How Divorce Affects Children

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Orlando Child Support Lawyer

How It Affects Children

Any adult, who has been the product of divorce themselves, can speak to both the short and long term effects divorce has on children. You may have divorced your spouse or partner, but you cannot and should not divorce your children. Their ability to turn into healthy adults, involved in healthy relationships depends on it.

Many times children feel responsible for the separation of their parents. It is so important that children have good communication with both their parents, and that they assured constantly by both parents, that the divorce is not their fault. How often should you reiterate this? Until and when a child can finally hear it! This could be well into adulthood, but the results will definitely be worth it if they finally hear it.

Positive co-parenting, which starts with a good parenting plan, is the only thing that will counteract sad, lost, empty feelings, children experience when a divorce tears their family apart. These feeling may not become evident right away, but may surface over time.

If you and your spouse or partner cannot devise a good co-parenting plan in the divorce process, or are unable or unwilling to co-parent positively, please seek the help of a trained professional.

Child Custody

Leave a comment

With respect to child custody, the courts are simply trying to decide between the two parents, which is the better home environment for the children. What comes into play here, and is undoubtedly not an easy decision, is how fit each parent is. The courts also look at how they can best derive some semblance of order and routine in the lives of the children, who are going though the chaos of divorce.

There are two types of custody: physical and legal. The first refers to where, the children will live, and the latter to who makes the major decisions with regard to the children.

If both parents are seeking physical custody, it may not come down to a 50/50 split. For example, one parent may live in the school district the children have been attending and the other may not. The courts, of course, will not want to interrupt the children’s’ schooling. In this case, it would make sense that the children stay with the parent who resides in their school district during the week, and perhaps visit the other parent on weekends.

Legal custody encompasses the major decisions surrounding children: decisions like private vs public education, or religious education or holidays. In other writings, we touched on the difficulty these decisions could entail if both parents could not come to an agreement. The courts have to take all this into consideration when assigning legal custody.

All of this can and should be discussed with your Florida Divorce Attorney. He/She should be able to assess if physical or legal custody is likely in your situation.

To Divorce or Not To Divorce?

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Kissimmee Divorce Attorney

To Divorce or Not to Divorce

We see firsthand what divorce does to families. It can ruin family history; affect relationships with extended family members on both sides of the family; can separate children form one or both parents; and cause financial chaos.

Obviously, you loved one another or you wouldn’t have gotten married or gotten together in the first place. If there is any way that you can get in touch with the love that you both shared in the beginning days of your relationship, we encourage you to do so. Whether that be through marriage counseling, self help books, or a retreat for a union that is in trouble, we support you in all your attempts to keep the marriage together.

Some questions to ask yourself before seeking a divorce are: Are you ready to have your child/children be part time in your life? Are you ready to split holiday time with your children and the other parent? Are you prepared to work harder, longer hours, or even get a second job if your finances take a nose dive? Are you prepared to give up family history with relatives on the other side of the family, who may eventually take sides?

There are times when divorce may be the only answer. In the case of abuse for example, we do not encourage you to work things out on your own, but there is much to think about before you take permanent steps to end your relationship.

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